Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
