I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
