if you like me you must not know who I am
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
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