They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
