1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
