You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
