Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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