atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
