I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
