I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
