last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
