can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
