i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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