i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
