Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Randomize
