the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dick very happy bro
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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