she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
