my shit smells like andre
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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