I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
