You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
