Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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