where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
