my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Still dying that you shit outside
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
