And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
