Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
