woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
