just tell him i said nine months
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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