I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
