My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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