how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She's the barista slut.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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