At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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