he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
