Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
