if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
