i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
