to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
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