they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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