i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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