and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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