So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He better not be in your backpack
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
