i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
