so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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