Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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