i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My vagina just recognized that song.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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