I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
