Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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