It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
