what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
