I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
