Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
