I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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