After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
