I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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