My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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