she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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