You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
