if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Randomize
