I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
