I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is classic penis vs brain.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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