if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
